Billy Joel Said It Best

Some things were perfectly clear,
seen with the vision of youth
No doubts and nothing to fear,
I claimed the corner on truth
These days it's harder to say
I know what I'm fighting for
My faith is falling away
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
Black and white is how it should be
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Once there were trenches and walls
and one point of every view
Fight 'til the other man falls
Kill him before he kills you
These days the edges are blurred,
I'm old and tired of war
I hear the other man's words
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
When I look to the enemy line
Black and white was so easy for me
But shades of grey are the colors I see

Now with the wisdom of years
I try to reason things out
And the only people I fear
are those who never have doubts
Save us all from arrogant men,
and all the causes they're for
I won't be righteous again
I'm not that sure anymore

Shades of grey are all that I find
when I look to they enemy line
There ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colours I see

Shades of grey wherever I go
The more I find out the less that I know
There ain't no rainbows shining on me
Shades of grey are the colors I see

Almost There, Still Praying As Always

"If it's on then it's on,
we rate B-breaks
Outlaws on a paper chase,
can you relate
to this shit I don't got,
be the shit I gotta take
Dealin wit fate
Hoping God don't close the gate"....

Tupac Shakur..Hail Mary...

Hello Monday

Glad I could make it.

Lilly's Senerity Prayer for The Week:

God give me the strength to keep the deamons away, and the wisdom to tell the difference between them all.

The Hell Hole

My back has been bothering me for the past 3 weeks. Finally getting tests lined up to see wtf is going on. 2 different docs, 2 different tests, 2 different suspicions of what is up, but both docs agreeing that each test should be done. I have had a constant pain in my lower back that finally, as of last night got me so bad that I walked like a 90 year old woman. After struggling to get up off my ass, I would stand up and just stand there.. haha.. couldn't even MOVE to go. Crazy, man. Crazy. *sings* what a drag it is getting old..... hehe.

I had to force myself to get out for a bit on Sunday and as I was slowly but surely walking along out taking some pics along the grass beside a very heavily traveled road ... I fell into a damn hole. Got jarred, I did! haha.. luckily my camera wasn't hurt. I'm not sure if I'm worse as a result, but my doctor put me out of work for today and tomorrow. Stay still and stay high.. Dr.'s orders. I can do that.

I wrote the city and told them the location of this hole, told them I had a foto of it, and if they wanted more info to contact me.. of course they have not. Bad timing for me cuz if my back wasn't already giving me probs, somebody would need to at least, take professional responsibility for leaving some shit like this. Unless it just happened 5 minutes before I fell in it, there is no excuse for leaving some shit like this and not addressing it. Lazy Bastards.

I'm sure that if anyone saw this incident had to pull over to the side of the road to laugh so they wouldnt veer off and wreck. Those of you who like slap stick comedy can appreciate a good unsuspecting fall scene. haha omg... this was it!!!!!! There I was, Ms Cool Photographer, walking along with my shades on, enjoying the day, and bam! haha.. somehow both feet ended up in there and i hit hard on my knees. Got the grass stains on my favorite pair of jeans to prove it. haha..
what's next. Stay Tuned. haha~

Soul Searching

(I took this pic when i was on my last foto outing with the man i was sure 'the one')

Tell people everyday that you love them and how blessed you are that they are in your life. Life is too fucking short. There are trials and tribulations to get through. Sometimes I don't handle them very well. Raw emotion (ie: the Devil) causes me to say things that are very venomous sometimes. Of course I always regret it soon after. So I love you guys, ok?

I tend to be very hard on myself as well, (so I dish out the shit evenly, lol), and basically hate my life most of the time. Especially the last few weeks. I hate feeling hopeless, without value, and just fucking sad. This is not who I am.

Furthermore, this is not a pity post so do not misinterperet it as one, ok? I am just writing from my heart. I'll make a pity party post sometime soon if I don't start feeling better by the end of next week. Then you can see what a pity post Lilly style looks like.

So, If I leave here tomorrow, I want people (including my blog/internet/and those of you who know me in real life) to know that I regret anything I said or did to cause you to be/have hurt, or any sort of negative emotions. (this even includes you in Raleigh). I'm not perfect, I am trying to do my best at keeping the Devil at bay, and moreover, I hope that I am forgiven.

Since you hit my page....

why don't you make a post? I would love to LOL at/with you. Are you shy? You shouldn't be. There is obviously SOMETHING that attracts you here and keeps bringing you back over and over and sometimes MANY times in a day. Its just a rather curious thing. Are you lonely? Do you like my fotos that much?

Just say hello.. eventually I'll find out who you are anyway.

Ping Pong

Just another pic I saw in my head and shot it. There may be a psychiatric condition for what I have. Well, there IS, but I'm talking about how I see photographs at just about everything I look at, and I am constantly framing up things in my head as if I were about to shoot it.

Aye seems to understand. He "gets" my meaning in my photos. He can look beyond the obvious and read exactly whats up. When we shoot on similar tiers, its freaky, but we understand it. We KNOW.
Aye... Now figger this one out. hahaha..

Still Seeing

My eyes still see the shots. Even with the tears that come now and then. My feelings got hurt, but I'm building a bridge. God is good.
I just wanted to reflect on that.

The Building

I kinda liked this shot. I tweaked it some for some drama.

My world is alot like this building. Empty yet there is progress going on. Reflections of what is nearby. There are foundations on which to build. Its colorful. It looks relatively happy for a building, and you just KNOW it's gonna be complete one day.

Piercings

Since I've lost my mind recently, I have been seriously considering having this done to myself. I think I am entering my mid-life crisis stage now. I need to do something that isn't quite as dangerous as riding motorcycles... this seems safe enough... and crazy enough.. Just gotta decide if I'll do my tongue, nose or lip...
or maybe I will take off in another direction and just have my entire face tattooed.